Happy Birthday Tami

This post has taken me much longer than I thought it would to write. I started with just simple words, but that didn't feel like enough. I've added and removed pictures. I've smiled and I've cried. I can honestly say that my heart still hurts and that I miss my Aunt Tami very much. She was a special person and a very large part of my life. She is still in my thoughts daily.

One thing Tami taught me was to be brave. And, I thought I was, until the minute I walked in to the funeral home...


I had a little break down and left to compose myself for a minute.


And then I saw my cousin Tonya and how she was taking care of others. How brave she was being. And my Uncle Kent, how he was also comforting others. I knew I could be there for them too.

I received a text from my Aunt Juli around midnight on Sept. 25 - it read Bye Bye Butterfly. I knew that meant that my Aunt Tami was finally in peace. 'Bye Bye Butterfly' was something that she always said, it was her heartfelt goodbye. She told us that she wasn't ready to go; her family was surrounding her and comforting her, and her body was so tired, it was just time... She had bravely fought an almost 10 year battle with cancer. I never saw her cry, even when I cried. I never saw her give up, never. She wanted to live, love and be loved.

I had butterflies delivered to the funeral home so that we could release them after the service. It was something that I wanted to do for my family and for Tami. I will always think of Tami when I see a butterfly now - so beautiful and peaceful.

They came in an individual boxes so that we could each release a butterfly.


The morning started out cold and foggy, but was sunny and gorgeous for our release.


Uncle Rick, Gram and Aunt Renee


Tonya

And wouldn't you know that my butterfly flew from my hand on to my shirt.


My Uncle Kent tried to release it again and it flew down to my feet.


I held it for a while, letting it warm in the sunshine.


Until it flew away, but only for a short time and landed back on the ground.


We all followed the butterflies around for a while, just watching them. They just weren't ready to leave us yet.

And then I went inside to take a few pictures.

My Uncle Kent has the large urn, my cousin Shawn has the smaller version, and my cousin Tonya has the heart urn.


And I was given the red carnations.


This is my sister and Makena sitting inside the room while everyone else is still outside.


A beautiful basket of flowers was sent by our friends The Castillas. Butterflies and all...


My mom, Uncle Rick, Aunt Juli, Aunt Cinda, Gram, Aunt Kim and Aunt Renee. My Aunt Kari was with us by phone for the service.


My Cousin Shawn, Uncle Kent and Cousin Tonya


Tonya and I are 3 months apart in age and were close growing up. We have all kinds of good stories to tell (and some that we keep to ourselves).


Tami loved this phrase. This sign was given to her by Tonya at her 50th surprise party a few years ago.


The service was beautiful. People were there to share stories of Tami, to cry, to talk and to comfort. Trust me, there was a lot of laughing. If you knew Tami at all, you knew she loved to laugh and to make people laugh. She lived. She smiled. She will be missed.

TAMI SUE ROSS ~ DECEMBER 31, 1957 - SEPTEMBER 25, 2010

It was difficult for me to leave the funeral home because I felt that I was actually leaving Tami behind. But I know that she is in my heart and with me every day. She made me part of who I am today. I am thankful for all of the memories that I have of her.

This picture below is one that I look at quite often. This was taken the last weekend in August that my family all spent together at my Mom's house in Garibaldi. (You can read that post here.) Another wonderful weekend spent with family. Memories...

Happy Birthday Tam, I love you.