Entering 2011

It's sometimes crazy how fast a day can fly by.

Even more amazing...that another year is almost over! Today is the last day of 2010 and I'll admit that I'm not as excited about the New Year as I have been in the past. Although I'm looking forward to life in 2011, I think I'll miss 2010.

It was a difficult year. I cried. I had bad days. I had worse days. I lost someone very important to me. I lost my cat. I felt pain. I was hurt. I missed people.

But I also celebrated my 35th birthday, and celebrated birthdays with others. I visited family and friends near and far. I laughed. I lost weight and got in to better shape. I traveled. I took tons more pictures. I smiled. I read some great books. I went on a road trip with Makena. Our business finally did well. I was hugged and kissed. I loved.

So although I look forward to the wonderful things that 2011 has to offer, I hope to continue much of 2010.

Thoughts of Tami

Several weeks ago, my mom pointed out to me that Tami is with us everywhere. Tami was always giving us thoughtful little gifts and we have them with us in each of our homes. She is in our daily lives, somewhere. I didn't realize how right she was until I walked around my house...

• Tami gave me a pink elephant watering can - he sits on the bookshelf by my desk. The funniest part of this is that she bought him thinking that he was a pig - "he's pink!" she says. My Uncle Kent laughed at her and asked why the pig had a long nose/truck. She told me that she saw pink elephants all the time after a few beers and that he may someday turn in to a pig if we drank enough.
  
• Tami gave me a When Pigs Fly Stone - a little flying pig is encased in a clear rock. He is to help my dreams come true. He sits on my desk.
  
• Tami sent me text messages a lot and I have several saved on my cell phone. I've gone back and read them several times; they always make me smile.


• Tami thought it was funny to text me pictures of herself drinking on warm, sunny beaches. I have a picture of her saved; she sent it to me from Hawaii a few years ago. I returned the favor when I could. She especially liked the one I sent her from Vegas last summer - I had a 32oz drink mug in my hand and was in the pool. I did have Jamie take a picture of me in Cancun, in October, and I mentally sent it to her.
  
• Tami gave me a pen that has Amber engraved on it. It is always in my purse.


• Tami gave me several pair of her favorite jeans. Tami liked to shop (oh boy did she!) and I now have so many pair of jeans that I'll probably never have to buy them again. I didn't think I would fit in them, but happily lost enough weight to try them on again a few months ago. (She was almost as happy as I was about me losing the weight!) I wear theses jeans all the time. I honestly didn't want to wash them originally, because they smelled like her. She reminded me that I'd eventually stink, and that that was weird.


• Tami gave me a few bottles of fingernail polish after she could no longer wear it. I've worn the same pinkish/purple color now for months. It makes me feel like I'm taking her with me places - like when I went to Cancun. It makes me smile just looking at my toes.


• Tami gave me a little plaque that says one of my favorite quotes "Be the change you wish to see in the world". It is the first thing I see when I walk in my front door.


• Tami gave me incense - I think she bought every one that she found called Amber.


• Tami gave me bath salts in cute little envelopes that had clever quotes on them. They are almost all lavender scented. They are waiting for me every time I take a bath.


• Tami gave me a bookmark that reads; Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. It's almost always in the book that I'm reading.


• Tami gave me lavender scented lotions. I think of her every night when I put it on. I'll be devastated when the bottles are empty.
  
• Tami gave me a plaque that says Family. It sits on my fireplace mantle.


• Tami also gave me 35 years of love, laughs and wonderful memories.

Happy Birthday Tami

This post has taken me much longer than I thought it would to write. I started with just simple words, but that didn't feel like enough. I've added and removed pictures. I've smiled and I've cried. I can honestly say that my heart still hurts and that I miss my Aunt Tami very much. She was a special person and a very large part of my life. She is still in my thoughts daily.

One thing Tami taught me was to be brave. And, I thought I was, until the minute I walked in to the funeral home...


I had a little break down and left to compose myself for a minute.


And then I saw my cousin Tonya and how she was taking care of others. How brave she was being. And my Uncle Kent, how he was also comforting others. I knew I could be there for them too.

I received a text from my Aunt Juli around midnight on Sept. 25 - it read Bye Bye Butterfly. I knew that meant that my Aunt Tami was finally in peace. 'Bye Bye Butterfly' was something that she always said, it was her heartfelt goodbye. She told us that she wasn't ready to go; her family was surrounding her and comforting her, and her body was so tired, it was just time... She had bravely fought an almost 10 year battle with cancer. I never saw her cry, even when I cried. I never saw her give up, never. She wanted to live, love and be loved.

I had butterflies delivered to the funeral home so that we could release them after the service. It was something that I wanted to do for my family and for Tami. I will always think of Tami when I see a butterfly now - so beautiful and peaceful.

They came in an individual boxes so that we could each release a butterfly.


The morning started out cold and foggy, but was sunny and gorgeous for our release.


Uncle Rick, Gram and Aunt Renee


Tonya

And wouldn't you know that my butterfly flew from my hand on to my shirt.


My Uncle Kent tried to release it again and it flew down to my feet.


I held it for a while, letting it warm in the sunshine.


Until it flew away, but only for a short time and landed back on the ground.


We all followed the butterflies around for a while, just watching them. They just weren't ready to leave us yet.

And then I went inside to take a few pictures.

My Uncle Kent has the large urn, my cousin Shawn has the smaller version, and my cousin Tonya has the heart urn.


And I was given the red carnations.


This is my sister and Makena sitting inside the room while everyone else is still outside.


A beautiful basket of flowers was sent by our friends The Castillas. Butterflies and all...


My mom, Uncle Rick, Aunt Juli, Aunt Cinda, Gram, Aunt Kim and Aunt Renee. My Aunt Kari was with us by phone for the service.


My Cousin Shawn, Uncle Kent and Cousin Tonya


Tonya and I are 3 months apart in age and were close growing up. We have all kinds of good stories to tell (and some that we keep to ourselves).


Tami loved this phrase. This sign was given to her by Tonya at her 50th surprise party a few years ago.


The service was beautiful. People were there to share stories of Tami, to cry, to talk and to comfort. Trust me, there was a lot of laughing. If you knew Tami at all, you knew she loved to laugh and to make people laugh. She lived. She smiled. She will be missed.

TAMI SUE ROSS ~ DECEMBER 31, 1957 - SEPTEMBER 25, 2010

It was difficult for me to leave the funeral home because I felt that I was actually leaving Tami behind. But I know that she is in my heart and with me every day. She made me part of who I am today. I am thankful for all of the memories that I have of her.

This picture below is one that I look at quite often. This was taken the last weekend in August that my family all spent together at my Mom's house in Garibaldi. (You can read that post here.) Another wonderful weekend spent with family. Memories...

Happy Birthday Tam, I love you.

sneaky Santa

I was doing a little more work at my computer last night, and Moxie was playing with her Santa toy in the room.

This usually means that I'm listening to the (stupid) squeaky thing inside Santa's head over and over and over again.

Instead, I was hearing bells. Like jingle bells.

I turned around to see Moxie's head in the Christmas tree. And when I told her to get out of the tree, she backed away but just kept looking at it. And then she started whining.

And that's when I spotted the sneaky Santa. (I believe he was trying to escape.)

I took Santa from the tree and gave him back to her. She went back to playing.

She was innocent in this you know...

Then all I heard was the (stupid) squeaking thing in Santa's head over and over and over again.

Merry Christmas 2010

I picked up Makena on Christmas morning. After 10 days, I was very excited to have her back home.

Especially since it was Christmas!

Jamie made us breakfast and she went straight for her stocking.

She had asked Santa for a dinosaur.

Next is always her Santa Bag...

which had a new laptop in it. She got a little side-tracked.

Makena is currently obsessed with Batman - Adam West as Batman that is.

I made Makena a scrapbook of our road trip to Forks.

And found some really cute mittens on Etsy.

After gifts, the kids headed upstairs to play on the new laptop. Jamie found some Nintendo 64 games that Makena had been asking for.

While I played with some of the new camera gear that Jamie and Makena got for me.

Jamie played too... (reallly, thanks Honey)

We did head over to help out at the Senior Center again this year, but when they got there it was pretty much just clean up. I'll have to remember that for next year - it's much more fun to be involved with the actual Breakfast and Gift Giving.

Then we came home, hit the couch and watched movies all day. It was a perfect day!

We hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!!

Christmas with the Carders

Before leaving Maryland, we were able to do a gift exchange at Bruce's house.

Carol loves Kohl's - she's easy to buy for. : )

I got Starbucks - I'm easy to buy for too!

Jamie got Ravens stuff - again, easy!

Bruce also has a small Ravens tree. (Someday Honey, someday...)

Delaynie Olivia

After the game, we headed to PA to spend some time with Shayne, Tiffany and Delaynie. I hadn't seen Delaynie since her first birthday party in 2009.

We were snacking on carrots until Delaynie accidentally bit her own finger.

After a snuggle from Mom, she was better.

Then she did some dancing. Laynie loves to dance!

Especially with Dad.

She helped Jamie clean out the cooler, we had some dinner, watched some more football on tv and then went to bed.

We spent the next day just relaxing, reading and watching more tv.